A car cuts you off in traffic. Your immediate reaction might be, What a jerk.

But when you accidentally cut someone else off, the explanation sounds very different: I didn't see them. I was trying to get into the right lane. Traffic was moving quickly.

Same behavior. Two completely different explanations.

Psychologists have a name for this tendency: the fundamental attribution error. It describes our tendency to explain other people's behavior by their character while underestimating the circumstances surrounding their actions.

I recognize it in myself more often than I'd like to admit.

If someone is late for a meeting with me, part of me may think, That's inconsiderate. They should manage their time better. But when I'm late? That's different. I'm late because I was finishing something important. A phone call ran long. Someone needed my help. Traffic was worse than expected. Something happened that I couldn't avoid.

Or consider changing plans at the last minute. When someone else changes plans on me, it's easy to think, That's rude. They don't respect my time. When I change plans? Well, circumstances changed. Something important came up. I had no reasonable alternative.

Again, same behavior. Two measuring sticks.

Why are we so willing to give ourselves the benefit of the circumstances while assigning someone else a flaw in their character?

Years ago, a senior officer at John Deere gave me a piece of advice that has stayed with me ever since: Always start by believing in the good intent of others. Notice the word start.

It doesn't mean ignoring poor behavior. It doesn't mean lowering standards, tolerating repeated disrespect, or pretending people never act selfishly. Good relationships still require honesty, accountability, and boundaries. It simply means choosing a different starting assumption.

Instead of, they’re late because they don't respect me, try, I wonder what happened.

Instead of, she didn't return my call because she doesn't care, try, maybe there's something going on that I don't know about.

Instead of, He disagreed with me because he's trying to undermine me, try, maybe he's seeing something I don't see.

That small shift can dramatically change our lives.

Our assumptions affect our tone. Our tone affects the other person's response. Their response affects ours. Before long, a story we created in our own mind can become a conflict that never needed to exist.

This matters enormously at work.

Strong teams require trust, and trust becomes difficult when people continually interpret mistakes as evidence of bad motives. Leaders can make the same mistake. An employee misses a deadline and we label them unreliable. Someone challenges an idea and we decide they're difficult. A colleague communicates poorly and we conclude they don't care.

Sometimes those conclusions may eventually prove accurate. But what if they're not?

The same principle may be even more important at home.

The people closest to us inevitably disappoint us occasionally. Spouses forget things. Children make poor decisions. Friends cancel plans. Family members say something awkward.

The longer the relationship, the more opportunities we have to assign meaning to those moments.

And sometimes the meaning we assign causes more damage than the original event.

Perhaps one of the simplest ways to build stronger relationships is to ask ourselves:

Am I giving this person the same grace I would give myself?

Before deciding that someone's behavior reveals who they are, consider what circumstances you may not know.

Before questioning someone's motives, begin with good intent.

And before reaching for that second measuring stick, ask whether one might be enough.

Relationships rarely become stronger because we become better judges of other people's mistakes. They often become stronger because we become more generous in how we interpret them.

Tony Thelen is the founder of The River Coaching and Consulting, LLC, an executive coaching firm based in West Okoboji. He is the author of "Am I Doing This Right?" and "Things We Desire." He works with CEOs, business owners, and executives to remove pain, anxiety, and stress while making room for true personal and professional growth. Contact Tony at tony@therivercoach.org or learn more at www.therivercoach.org.