From an early age, we are taught to accumulate. Get an education. Build a career. Earn more money. Buy a home. Save for retirement. Achieve things. Somewhere along the way, we naturally begin keeping score by what we have acquired.  During my 35-year career with John Deere I certainly thought about all of things.

However, since I retired 3 years ago and started executive coaching, I’ve learned a few things about true fulfillment and personal happiness.  Achievement does bring about a feeling of accomplishment, but there is another path to having “more” in life that involves giving what you accumulate away.

What? So we live our lives to “accumulate” things, only to “give them away”?  Well…..kind of, but it takes a little explaining to truly understand the full meaning of this in our lives.

Psychologists Elizabeth Dunn, Lara Aknin and Michael Norton have spent years studying the relationship between generosity and happiness. In one of their best-known experiments, people were given either $5 or $20 and instructed to spend it by the end of the day. Some were told to spend the money on themselves. Others were told to spend it on someone else.

At day's end, those who spent the money on others reported greater happiness. The amount of money didn't seem to matter nearly as much as what they did with it.

The researchers call this “prosocial” spending, and further research suggests the phenomenon extends far beyond one experiment. In research spanning 136 countries, spending resources on others was associated with greater happiness across cultures and income levels. Experiments in countries as economically different as Canada and Uganda produced similar results.

The real question is what is going on here, and what meaning could it possibly have in our lives?

Dunn, Aknin and Norton found that giving appears particularly rewarding when it satisfies three basic psychological needs: connection, impact, and autonomy. We feel connected to another person. We see that our actions made a difference. And we chose to do it.

Being generous isn't merely a transaction involving losing something we possess. Being generous can create something for us we didn't have before.

Connection. Purpose. Meaning. Joy. And giving certainly isn't limited to money.

We give someone our time. We make the phone call. We share what we've learned. We introduce two people who might help one another. We encourage someone who is struggling. We give a younger colleague an opportunity. We listen when it would be easier to talk.

Extend this to our professional lives and we find it follows a similar progression.

Early in our careers, success is understandably about my achievements.

What did I accomplish? Did I get the promotion? Did I make the sale? Am I getting ahead?

Eventually, good leaders discover a different scoreboard. My achievements become our achievements. The satisfaction increasingly comes from building a team and accomplishing something together that none of us could have done alone.

Eventually our achievements become their achievements. Someone you mentored gets promoted. Someone you encouraged takes a risk and succeeds. Someone you coached becomes a better leader than you were. Your children build lives of their own. Someone uses something you taught them long after you've left the room. Their success somehow becomes your success.

One of the great transitions of a well-lived life is when we go from accumulation to contribution.

This doesn't mean possessions or accomplishments are bad. Financial security matters. Achievement feels good. Ambition can be healthy. But I believe eventually we discover there is a limit to how much fulfillment we can get by accumulating things vs. contributing to the lives of others.

The paradox is best stated by the notion that when we give something away, we somehow end up with more.

More connection. More meaning. More gratitude. More people whose lives intersect meaningfully with our own.

In this sense, true abundance isn't measured by how much we have accumulated. Perhaps the richest life is measured by how much of ourselves we have put into the lives of others.

What are you still trying to accumulate that isn't making you happier? Where could you be more generous with your money, time, attention, knowledge or encouragement? Are you still measuring success primarily by your achievements, or increasingly by others?

And someday, when your life's story is finally complete, what will matter more? What you accumulated, or what you gave away?

Tony Thelen is the founder of The River Coaching and Consulting, LLC, an executive coaching firm based in West Okoboji. He is the author of "Am I Doing This Right?" and "Things We Desire." He works with CEOs, business owners, and executives to remove pain, anxiety, and stress while making room for true personal and professional growth. Contact Tony at tony@therivercoach.org or learn more at www.therivercoach.org